Given my present situation (I like that word a lot better than “condition”) I’m struggling to come up with anything worth posting that may be of particular interest to anyone. I’ve been med free for a few very difficult weeks and have just started a new drug as of yesterday. I’ve been feeling flatter than a pancake and not much use for anything. It actually took me an hour to psych myself up to have a shower today…how pathetic is that? And you can imagine my feeling of triumph when I also managed to clean the bathrooms and get a bit of vacuuming done too! Let’s just say that if you can name it, it’s been a struggle.
I must say that it wasn’t very reassuring when my pharmacist, who isn’t exactly a newbie, admitted that he has never dispensed this particular drug before and had to call my doctor to be sure he read the prescription right. My doc assured him that although it is an old one, they have found success when using it on patients (another word I hate) who have not responded to the usual myriad of antidepressants. I like to think of myself as unique as opposed to difficult…it get’s me through the day.
Although this new drug comes with an extensive list of foods that are now off limits, not many of them are not in my typical diet but yet I’m still left with a feeling of unease about the whole thing. The one that will be an issue is caffeine. I love my coffee and I can’t imagine life without it. Although I’m allowed it in moderation, it still gives me the creeps knowing that too much could send my usually low blood pressure through the roof. But what defines moderation? My usual intake is 4 small cups dispensed from my beloved Keurig a day. Since it takes two of these cups to fill a big mug…is that considered moderate? I mean come on…that’s a pretty vague term! I think I’ll take my chances and see what happens.
So that is the vein of my existence at the moment. Working on no energy, trying to keep major bouts of anxiety at bay, hoping for a miracle with this new drug, worrying about things that could happen sometime in the future and trying to stay strong and sane in the present.
At least I can still multi-task.
