Welcome aboard and thank you for flying Bipolar Air. As you’ll notice, the captain has turned on the Fasten Seat Belt sign but please disregard this as we want to provide you with as bumpy a ride as we possibly can.
If you have already stowed your carry-on luggage in the over-head compartment, please retrieve it and hold onto it in your seat for the entire flight. Here at Bipolar Air we feel everyone should have to deal with all of their baggage throughout their entire journey. And don’t worry if we run into a little turbulence as it is normal for baggage to be especially hard to handle during these times.
We ask that all electronics, mobile phones and especially GPS devices be turned off for the duration of the flight as we like our destinations to be a complete and total surprise.
If at any time during the flight you feel the plane start to nose dive, please do not be alarmed as this will just be one of many crash landings that we offer here at Bipolar Air, for no additional charge. If you feel the need to disembark at one of our crash sites, please be aware that it will be extremely difficult and incredibly costly to secure a seat on another flight headed to your initial destination. However, for your convenience, our ground crew will be more than happy to assist you in finding a flight to somewhere you had absolutely no intention of ever visiting.
Our inflight service today will feature pharmaceuticals from around the world. Please feel free to taste and share with your neighbors to enhance your dining experience.
For your inflight entertainment, we are featuring seven different movies which will all be shown at the same time. Simply inform your flight attendant if you require our special multi-pronged headset adapter.
Again, welcome aboard and as we say here at Bipolar Air…”What goes up must come crashing down!”
